By the time Jacob was three, he had heard the word ‘No!’ about 15,000 times! And, according to some research, that number is low. So when Jacob’s mom said, “It’s time to take your
By the time Jason was three, he had heard the word 'No!' about 15,000 times! And, according to some research, that number is low. So when Jason's mom said, "It's time to take your medicine," what do you think he said? You guessed it! The problem is, this wasn't just your typical toddler control battle. Jason needs his medication to stay alive because he has cystic fibrosis.
Jason's mom, unknowingly, had trained him to say 'no.' In fact, she trained him really well! Wise parents learn early on to say 'no' as much as necessary but as little as possible. So when can parents safely "just say no?"
1. When children are young and parents can easily enforce the limits they set.
2. When children respect and love parents enough to do what they ask them to do.
3. When children are older if consequences will do the teaching if they don't "abide by the no."
Of course parents need to set limits and "just say no" or children will become spoiled. However, too many "no's" will eventually cause the relationship to suffer. So say 'Yes!' instead of 'No.'
Parents can say 'Yes!' and still set limits by using the following phrases:
- "Yes! Just as soon as ..."
- "Absolutely! Right after..."
- "Yes! And..."
- "Sure! As long as ..."
- "Great idea! But first..."
- "Yes, if..."
Here's how it sounds: "Mom, can I have some soda pop?" "Yes! Just as soon as you finish eating dinner." Put the emphasis on the word "Yes!" with great enthusiasm and big smiles. It helps to pause for just a moment right after the 'Yes!'
So what about little Jason? His mom learned how to set limits without saying 'no' by saying 'Yes!' instead. When Jason asked, "Can we go to the park?" she said, "Absolutely! Let's go right after your medical treatments are done." And they did.
Jason's mom also learned to use choices. This is especially important when kids have healthcare issues and other special needs. She used lots of little choices as much as possible like "Would you like to do your breathing treatments now or after playtime?" or "Would you like your medicine with apple juice or chocolate milk?" Jason was so happy to have choices that he stopped arguing about taking his medication.
We are happy to report that Jason is enjoying good health and a great relationship with his dear mom.
This tip was taken from Love and Logic’s newest book “Parenting Children with Health Issues” by Foster W. Cline, MD and Lisa Greene. Visit www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com for more information.
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